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Grief in Words

This page was created to express the emotions that can be felt by grieving parents. They are items that I have found on the internet or have been given to me by other parents. I like to post them in my blogs for others to read privately so that they can understand what I am feeling without the awkwardness of asking me. Please feel free to share the items on this page. Also, check back often as I will be adding things as I find them. If you would like to share something, send it to me and I will post it!

If you are the author of one of these items and you are not acknowledged as such, please let me know and I will get it changed!

Quicklinks: How Do You - I Wish - You Are Gone - Mothers Day - Dear Mr. Hallmark


How Do You

How do you right a wrong that you didn’t have a say in
How do you bring a smile to the face of someone you love so much, when they hurt so much
How do you bring them joy and laughter
When all they ask for is their baby’s touch.
Life is so unfair, the world so unkind

All she asked for was the one thing on her mind
A child to call her own, a baby to fill her days Instead she is left with bittersweet memories—of what it is hard to say…
When she learned the life inside was no more
And in that same moment, her heart, it was tore

Into a million pieces but one was lost
And seemingly into oblivion her future was tossed
How do you tell that person that you are there
How do you make them believe that you still care
When my life has not seen that pain or felt that strife

That tore through her that day like a knife
How unfair of me, how unkind
I would give anything in this world just to rewind
And to give her back that day—
But I know that there is no way

No one will ever forget her little boy Tate
Though it’s hard each day to understand the fate
Of why this happened to someone so dear
Or how could this happen, his time was so near

How much I wish I could take away all of her pain and make her new
If this could happen I would make my wishes so few
But that’s not possible, that’s a power I do not own
But with each day that passes and each blanket sewn
I know that she will find her peace…one that she can call her own.

-Michele Cyrek

 

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[This is an item that is being passed around the message boards by grieving parents.]

IWish

 

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn't mean he doesn't deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you.

3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten him and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it's not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn't pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me.

8. I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9. I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

11. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be "over" this.

12. I wish you wouldn't think that my baby wasnt't really a baby and he was just blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby had a life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my baby's body and face. My baby was real person - and he was alive.

13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby was born and the day I lost him are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

14. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ""normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you'll still like me.

15. I wish you wouldn't tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace him. Babies aren't interchangeable.

16. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.

17. I wish you wouldn't think that you'll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous.

19. I wish you wouldn't say that it's natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect no matter what you think nature is saying.

20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say "next time things will be okay". The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?

-Author Unknown

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You Are Gone

I remember a time, not long ago
I found out a secret; you were starting to grow!
I had not expected to meet you this quick
How lucky I was! God made me your pick

You started to grow, and before I could see
You were perfect in form, deep inside of me
Your little heart beating, your fist in a ball
I see you in there! I see it all!

Oh such a joy, to carry my boy
My favourite new gift, better than any toy
You will be special, of this I am sure
I sense you are precious, I know you are pure

You're getting so big, it must soon be time
Everyone is anxious, but I don't mind
Its just you and me, It's just us for now
This time is precious, I sense it somehow

There's showers and presents and wishes of joy
There's so much excitment; my new baby boy!
Brown hair? Blue eyes? Oh what will it be?
We cannot imagine, we'll just have to wait and see

It's getting crowded, less and less space
My heart skips a beat as I picture your sweet face
Our time is coming to an end, you will leave me soon
I will miss having you near, your home in my womb

You are so quiet today, so silent and still
You must just be tired, you've had your fill
I sit and I listen, as patient as can be
Oh won't you wake up, and come play with me?

I drive in the rain, it's late in the night
I just want to check, to make sure you're alright
I know you'll be fine, you just have to be
Surely God knows that I need you here with me

She looks and she looks, but can't find a sound
Where is your heart beat? Why won't it pound?
"I'm so very sorry...is there anyone I can call?"
I can't hear a sound, not anything at all

They tell me you're gone, your beating heart still
I can't feel my body, I suddenly feel ill.
There must be some mistake; your due any day!
But before that day came, your little soul slipped away

The moment I saw you, my heart fell in two
I recognized those lips, those eyes- you
Ten little fingers and ten perfect toes
Why were you taken? Nobody knows

I hold you for hours, I kiss your sweet face
The pain is unbearable, its all I can taste
I look at your body, I pretend you're asleep
I want you forever, I want you to keep.

I inhale your fragarence, so pure and so sweet
I memorize your body, from head to your feet
I dont want to let go, I cant say goodbye
But you are not here, no matter how hard I try

I love you forever, I love you to no end
I love you for always, my sweet little friend
You'll live on for me, for the rest of my years
I'll hold you in my heart, I'll hold you in my tears.

You came to me for a reason, for a purpose of great worth
You're life was meant for more than just another poor stillbirth
You will not be forgotten, I'll keep you in my soul
And one fine day I'll see you again, and my heart once more will be whole

-Author Unknown

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Mother's Day

The day is near, I knew it would
Where I would not be able to say the things I think I should
I just don’t know how to say to you
All the things that I really want to

Certain times of the year are harder than some
And try as we might to avoid, they still come
Here we are, moments away from Mother’s Day
And here I am, without the right words to say

Instead of words, I have bought you this token
To keep by your heart, the one that was broken
It is inscribed with the name of your dear son
The one you love and miss a ton

No words I can say
Will take your pain away
But I promise I will always be here
To listen anytime you need to shed a tear

 Sometimes it’s easier to write than it is to say
And I hope that what I did for you—that it’s ok
I love you with all of my heart, my dear friend
That I CAN say, till the end.

 

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Dear Mr.Hallmark

I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear

A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.

I just popped in to visit,
your stores to find a card

A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought,
every card you could imagine

Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside

I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she's cried.

I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know

That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,

Memories our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.

She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night

She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells

She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth

I must find a way,
to remind her of her wondrous worth

She needs to be honored,
and remembered too

Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark,
I know you'll do your best

I have done all I can do;
to you I'll leave the rest.

Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me

Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.

-Author Unknown

 

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